SCOTZ HIDD'N TREZURZ #43 - Suckz Edishun

[Scott]

SUCKZ EDISHUN

 

The crack staff at Hidden Treasures enjoys a good challenge and last week we gave ourselves one unknowingly.  When the warning in SHT #42 referred, tongue and cheek, to a Sucks Edition, our editors thought nothing more of that than a witty aside.  But the readers caught on and asked for one.  The task was clear.

So we called an emergency staff meeting and laid out plans to develop really sucky hidden treasures.  This couldn’t be some playlist full of crappy tunes!  This list had to have some good music on it, let’s face it, a band doesn’t become polarizing because everything they did sucks!  No no...  Sucking has to be earned, and so this is the criteria we used to extract the best and most rocking moments from things that suck!

1. The band or members of the band have to be polarizing for some reason, or...
2. Have released at least one sucky album that fans bought because their last release was smokin’!  or...
3. Long term in-fighting, or...
4. A One Hit Wonder who won't go away.

 

Let’s listen in...

 

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Heres your Link

http://www.podsnack.com/playlists/2eef6610cf2d63390f57abaf0a529323

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KISS
TITLE: The Oath
ALBUM: The Elder
YEAR: 1981
We simply must start this list with KISS.  The staff was split on this and we had to adjourn for a couple days to calm them down.  Half of them love this band and the other half hates them fiercely.  Their music is superficial, has no depth, they pander merchandise annoyingly unashamed, the makeup on 50+ year old men looks ridiculous, etc...   But on the other hand, they are one of the top grossing acts year over year, their live act is unparalleled, and they've sold more records than everyone but the Beatles and Stones.  As long as the latter is true KISS will keep on sucking until the day they die!  And just to throw gas on the flame, were pulling a track from their most polarizing album, yes...  'The Elder' gets a moment in the SHT spotlight!

The Eagles
TITLE: King of Hollywood
ALBUM: The Long Run
YEAR: 1979
They have sold over 120 million albums worldwide and 100 million in the U.S. alone.  No other American band sold more than the Eagles during the 1970s.  But the fans got screwed because of their in-fighting and back biting.  After this highly prosperous decade, Frey and Henley began publicly scrapping with each other on the tour supporting The Long Run.  This continued throughout their "14 year vacation" and many solo releases, until Hell Froze over.  They then proceeded to  liquidate Don Felder through a series of back room contract negotiations that apparently didn’t include him.  Furthermore, it was rumored that the most recent reunion excluded Randy Meisner, who was open to join them, for no reason at all.  A move I thought was pissy.  And let’s not even talk about Henley's politics.  As great as they are, it sucks to think of what could have been and the fans they left in their wake.

Boston
TITLE: I Need Your Love
ALBUM: Walk On
YEAR: 1994
Tom Schultz, a brilliant MIT student writes great tunes and records them in his own basement, a label likes the songs but not the band members, band members swapped out and record finished.  The album becomes the top selling debut of all time (until GNR's).  Second album rushed, band members not changed, third album delayed because of law suits, solo albums from members ensue with permission of Schultz who subsequently fusses about solo projects that cite the name "Boston".  Lawsuits delay third album, but releases in '86 to much fanfare.  Lead vocalists leaves for another band, Walk On released 8 years later, more band member changes, and Greatest Hits package released, more band member changes and Corporate America released 6 years later.  Lead vocalist commits suicide.  Band returns to studio revealing progress on a new studio album, which is "progressing at an agonizingly slow rate".  Ongoing conflicts still persist with former band members to this day.  Didn’t ABC just cancel two long running soap operas?  Is it any wonder fans are annoyed by this band?

Creed
TITLE: One
ALBUM: My Own Prison
YEAR: 1997
When the research team asked which rock bands sucked worst, Creed came up consistently in the responses.  If the band would have released their debut and then disappeared they would be legendary, but they continued to write the same style of music over and over.  And then the singer got a big head and left the band only to find that the fans that embraced him as part of Creed had caught onto his act and had grown weary.  This is a Love or Hate band, there’s no one in the middle here.  I get the cookie-cutter issues, and I'm willing to give Stapp a second chance at being humble, but please go back into the studio and do what you capable of, not what you’ve done before!  The rest of your band has proven that they can write some tremendous music (See AB III), maybe you should become a band member again and let the music do the talking!

Nickelback
TITLE: This Afternoon
ALBUM: Dark Horse
YEAR: 2008
Overplayed, overhyped, cookie-cuttered, if you own one song you own them all.  My two sons can't stand this band.  To put them on a suck list may be seen as way to easy, but they are so polarizing that they simply have to be on here.  The fact still remains that sell like freakin' hotcakes and are consistently a top draw live.  How can this be if so many people think they suck?  Sometimes you just gotta throw up your hands and say "I don’t understand, but it is what it is".  Me?  I like their Dark Horse album and that’s about it for me, but you know what they say, if you own one you own them all.

Styx
TITLE: Lorilei
ALBUM: Equinox
YEAR: 1975
Styx teased me by being a progressive underground band who produced some pretty cool music up through Equinox, and then all of the sudden we got 3 minute Top 40 friendly songs, but still we liked what we heard.  The Grand Illusion gave us such hope, Pieces of Eight, awesome!  And then ... Babe (You can hear the sucking sound).  And they never recovered.  DeYoung would take control and release ballad after ballad after ballad.  The formula worked until he got all prima-donna and wrote a Rock Opera.  Kilroy killed the band and made Dennis DeYoung the whipping boy.  Problem was, his direction was successful and JY and Tommy Shaws wasn’t.  Then to make things suckier, Styx releases Live CD after Live CD using an annoying DeYoung wanna-be (I’m not a Gowan fan, sorry) as fans become comfortable that this band will never return to form.  Then out of nowhere DeYoung releases a rock and roll record that reminds fans what Styx should be.  But alas, JY and Shaw aren’t biting, they seemingly appear happy to remain in suckville releasing more covers and live CD's.

REO Speedwagon
TITLE: The Unidentified Flying Tuna Trot [Instrumental]
ALBUM: You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can't Tuna Fish
YEAR: 1978
So they finally hit big time success with Tune a Piano Tuna Fish, and then drop a dud with Nine Lives.  But wait there’s more of this, not only did they do this once but they come back with their biggest album ever in Hi-Infidelity and then drop another dud to follow that up.  But they make this list for yet another reason as well.  When the crack research staffed asked about them it was 50/50 mix of "Sucks!!" and "Love!!".  So they polarize the music listening audiences everywhere.  And one last thing I'm adding on, can they not tour with someone other than Styx?  I mean really!  Oh yeah, one more thing, enough with the live records now, I know you’ve put out new stuff too, but we’ve heard enough live.  And one more thing...  oh never mind, you get the point!

Aerosmith
TITLE: Get The Lead Out
ALBUM: Rocks
YEAR: 1976
Lets be clear, there is two distinct versions of this band.  Before Mtv and after.  I love almost everything they have done up to Done With Mirrors and then the Walk This Way thing with Run DMC started a downward slide.  At least it did for me.  I gave them a pass on that one because I still thought they had some gas left in the tank, but then came Dude Looks Like a Lady - Hated it!  The suckiness continued in droves as they partnered with the likes of Diane Warren (who also wrote for Toni Braxton and Bon Jovi) to write ballads for Ben Affleck movies. Then came the Superbowl halftime show and just when you thought it couldn’t get suckier, they release something called "Honkin on Bobo", and just to take the suck factor down to the lowest possible measurement known to man, Tyler joined American Idol as a judge.  Close your eyes and listen to what they used to be, it was glorious, now it just, well.... sucks!

Guns N Roses
TITLE: Better
ALBUM: Chinese Democracy
YEAR: 2008
This entry is about Axl Rose, there is no other reason to have this band on here.  Except for Chinese Democracy, that could be a second reason.  And the constant threat of a reunion, that’s getting annoying.  Things have gotten so sucky for this band that Best Buy is liquidating their Chinese Democracy CD for $1.99!  The same price as a half of a gallon of gas, and quite frankly, if I had to choose between a half gallon of gas and Chinese Democracy well then I'm mowing the lawn a couple more times!

Bon Jovi
TITLE: Lay Your Hands On Me
ALBUM: New jersey
YEAR: 1988
Making there one and only appearance in this forum is Bon Jovi.  To many, the fact that Bon Jovi sucks is an obvious observation.  To them, they always have and always will and there is nothing more you need to know - Bon Jovi sucks, period!  In all seriousness the best way I’ve heard it described is that there is no depth to their music, it’s all superficial, and too glossy.  To hold a band on pedestal as high as the one this bands sits on is a HUGE reach! In fact I wonder if they think they suck themselves.  I mean they switched to country recently, did they run out of sucky pop-rock ideas?  I propose the answer to that question is YES!


I would have put U2 on this list as well, but I don’t own anything from them.  Know why? ... Because they suck!

So many sucky bands, so many things are wrong in music today that this list could be endless.  Black Eyed Peas anyone? I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, sorry about that!

[Niels (Mod)]

GREAT suckin' list. Can't wait 'til tomorrow, where I'll take a listen. I agree very much in your choices.

[RJhog (Admin)]

This may be the best 10 songs you've put together back to back yet!  The one band I'm surprised you left off is Poison.  I have to say that I always enjoy reading your commentary, but this week you have completely outdone yourself.  This is priceless and really deserves a lot more viewership than it will get.  My favorite commentary is the one on Boston.  That's followed closely by the GNR commentary.  The "mowing the grass" comment is just hilarious.  Outstanding job bro!

[Scott]

Awesome, and thanks!  Quite funny that the Sucky edition turns out to tbe the best one.  hahahahaha.

 

On the Poison topic, they deserve a place of prominence on this list for sure, but I dont own anything from them, for the same reason as U2 - I cant stand their music.

[RJhog (Admin)]

One thing I forgot to mention, great choice with the Creed track.  That's a superb album in my opinion, and it will one day appear on AOTW.  I still think it's hilarious Stapp's solo career went nowhere and the rest of Creed got Myles Kennedy and skyrocketed.  I have no problem with Creed continuing, but they need better songs than what was on the last "comeback" album.

[RJhog (Admin)]

And one more thing, I hate Nickelback.  Can't think of a single better band to have on here.  I used to like 'em, but if anybody has ever, ever sold out, it's them.  And the really funny thing is that I like the Nickelback sound alike band called Theory Of A Deadman, and they have a new album due in July.  There songs are just better right now.

[Niels (Mod)]

One of my big problems with Creed, was/is indeed the lead-singer!!

[Jon]

I don't know...this didn't suck enough.

 

Kiss--"The Elder" is their best album...period.

The Eagles--Whatever, but like this whole album

Boston--Ok, but ok. What am I trying to say? Ok.

Creed--Sucks

Nickelback--Sucks

Styx--Sorry, but like "Cyclorama" a lot. Much more than "The Grand Delusion". Also like "Cornerstone", without that one song. 

REO Speedwagon--"Nine Lives" a dud? Really? To me, everything after that album were the duds.

Aerosmith--You hit the nail on da head. But I'm going to everything AFTER "Done With Mirrors" as sucky.

GnR--This album is back on the charts! Whoo hoo! $1.99 will do that!

Bon Jovi--You all know my love for this band....enough said.

 

 

So basically, I need more suckiness! Poison, Firehouse, Warrant, etc., etc.!

 

 

Nice listen though!

 

 

Oh and Lady Geegaw?????

 

[Scott]

Lady gaga was a nice touch and appropriate for the theme I thought...

[Jon]

Cause she sucks?

[Scott]

Yes...  In many ways!

[Niels (Mod)]

[Niels (Mod)]

1. The Elder sucks, but the first KISS-album that sucked was UNMASKED. After UNMASKED, I read that Ace said, that the next album would be a Heavy Metal-album, yeah right!! But hey, I was a KISS-fan at the time, so it brings back some good memories. Not the best song on that album, though.

2.  I've allways thought, that The Eagles sucked. They've only made a couple of good songs imo, and this is NOT one of them!!

3. Boston sucks, but not as much as Eagles. This song is okay, I guess, even though it's got a booring 80's-sound and the same guitar-sound as allways. Sounds a bit like Toto around 1990.

4. As I said, my biggest problem with Creed, is their singer. Thank god for Alter Bridge, or whoever's responsible for that band?!

5. Oh man, Nickleback sucks SO much!!!! This band could be the reason, that rock nearly died at some point.

6. I never did understand the fuzz about Styx. It must be an american thing. They suck big time !!!! I HATE that voice!!

7. See no.6, except about the voice.

8. From "Nine Lives" and on, Aerosmith haved sucked incredible much, but "Rocks" is an awesome record!!

9. What can you say about this album. As a solo-album, okay on the sucking side, but as a Guns-record, SUCK SUCK SUCK!!!!

10. I saw Bon Jovi on this tour. God damn, it was a booring concert!! There was a couple of good songs on "Slippery when wet" but that's it. Man, they suck!!!!

 

I enjoyed this very much, Scott.