CHUCK NORRIS THREAD

[RJhog (Admin)]

Okay, I just had to do it.  I love the "Chuck Norris Facts".  So list all your Chuck Norris facts, video clips, or whether you like him or hate him, whatever.  Here's a few facts about Mr. Norris that everyone should know:

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

 

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f#*k down.

 

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

 

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

 

[Scott]

• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

and my favorite...

• If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

[RJhog (Admin)]

I like that first one as well.

[Jon]

That infinity one is great and one of the ones I was gonna use. Oh well.

[RJhog (Admin)]

A couple more:

 

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

[Jon]

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

 

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. 

 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard, his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

 

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word "hunting" implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

 

 

 

[Gordon Williams]

Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal should have a competition between themselves...one to see which one is baddest man on the planet, and another to see which one is the worst actor.

 

The Rock is Chuck Norris' bitch.

 

The Terminator runs away when he sees Chuck Norris.

 

Gene Simmons would not spit blood on Chuck Norris.

 

Ted Nugent would keep his mouth shut around Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris CAN understand Ozzy when Ozzy speaks.

 

The Incredible Hulk does not get angry around Chuck Norris.

 

Axl Rose would not be late to a meeting with Chuck Norris.

[RJhog (Admin)]

Love that first one.

[Niels (Mod)]

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. First on Hiroshima, then on Nagasaki.

When Chuck Norris drinks too much alcohol, he doesen't get alcohol poisoning, the alcohol gets Chuck Norris poisoning...

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

[RJhog (Admin)]

That first one is the bomb!!!

[Jon]

Sigh...maybe someone will like one of these?

 

 

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

 

The opening scene of "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. 

 

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.

 

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe. Instead, he requests a hand gun and a bucket.